Thursday, September 19, 2013

Random Topic Generator #6 - My encounter with Madhuri Dikshit

18 baras ki kunvaari kali thi ; ghoonghat mein mukhda chhupaake chali thi …

 I have never seen anyone so innocent, so pretty. Yet she was so full of life. Oh, she was so witty!

She looked at my awestruck face and asked – “Arre re are yeh kua hua??”

As she walked up to Murugan’s counter and ordered rabdi with Malpua.

She glanced at me and smiled, flashing her signature pearly whites -

And in that moment I knew, man! My future is going to be bright.

Her jhatkas were as crisp as the crunch of my paper masala dosa  -

Her moves could put to shame, those of Shakira’s on “Rabiosa

Lately, she isn’t too fond of chocolates, lime juice, ice cream and toffees -

I am going to muster all my courage and ask her out for a coffee.

I had to make a move – “Que Sera Sera, job hi ho so ho!

As a wise man once said – “When you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go”


But wait. What was that sound suddenly snapping me out of my reverie?!?!

A man with crazy eyes, manic face, who looked like he’d lived a life of drudgery -

For 20 years he had been compensating the men who fought with bravery.

Now he’d had enough – he wanted to reduce the world to slavery.

20 years of doing the same rote work, maintaining a huge accounts log -

Had seemed to have done it for him. He had finally lost his cog.

“We need to get out of here. Come with me  – we need to run!!!”

“Why should I?” she said indignantly, “After all, hum aapke hain kaun?

He works at the Pay & Accounts Office, handing out Freedom Fighters’ pension.

I don’t see why someone so harmless should give you so much of tension.”

“I know he’s just a Deputy Head clerk and he is working for the Government;

But don’t judge this account book by its cover - don’t let that cloud your judgement.”

Dhak - dhak karne laga”, she said, “O mora jiyera darne laga!

She looked at me with worried eyes. She seemed to finally see the reality behind this bugger.

“Let’s get out of here”, I said, “before he begins to fire.”

I ran outside only to find that my bicycle had a punctured tyre!

“Oh no!” I exclaimed, “How will we ever get out of here?!”

Something flashed before my eyes – was is it a bird or was it a deer?

An ostrich stood before me, in all its black and white glory

I knew we had to escape; inside things were beginning to get gory.

Seeing no other option, I decided to take the plunge.

“Madhuri baby”, I said to her, “you’ll have to perform a lunge”.

Just take a deep breath before you jump - count - “Ek do teen

Little did I know that she’ll count all the way to thirteen.

Riding on the ostrich, we rode far and wide,

Leaving the crazy Deputy Head clerk 20 kilometers behind.

After riding night and day, we reached a beautiful meadow,

Before us lay a wondrous sight - an IAF Mig-29, painted yellow!

Madhuri wondered, “Ispe yeh kisne - peela rang daala?”

Shukar hai us clerk ne hume nahi maar daala

I was so happy, I wanted to break into a Bhangra.

But Madhuri had to travel – Punjab se leke Dilli via Agra.

At this sudden departure, my heart was filled with pain.

“Madhuri”, I asked her, “where will we meet again?”

“Where else?” she said with a twinkle in her eye, “Chane ke khet mein,

She gave me naughty smile, as I watched her walk away. 

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Random Topic Generator #5 - An Ode. To Parachute.

Jab lagati ho Parachute
To lagti ho bahut hi cute!

Tumhein office jaate dekhna ek nazara tha!
Balcony mein khade hone ka bas ek bahaana tha!
Kaala suit, tie, aur boot
Aur baalon mein Parachute

Tumhaare baalon mein lage nariyal
Se ho gaya hoon main ghayal
Ab bas yahi hai mere dil ki khvahish -
Tumhare haathon se sar ki ek champi maalish!

Kisi aur ne kiya hoot toh kar doonga main usey shoot!
Jab ghoomogi apne baalon mein lagake – Parachute.

Kasam khaata hoon main of this tel –
Ho kar rahega humara mel
Baby, samajhna tum isey ek khel 
Acche acchon ko kar doonga main fail !

Tumhare yeh kale aur ghane zulf
Makes me want to howl like a wolf.
Aur yeh dheemi jasmine ki sugandh
Karti hai mere iraade buland.

Jab lagati ho Parachute
To lagti ho bahut hi … cute!


Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Random Topic Generator #4 - Love story of a consultant

Deloitte is a huge company, and you meet all sorts of people. Some inspire, some motivate, some irritate. And some simply catch your fancy. So here's a little dedication to all those cute guys and girls who caught your attention at some point : -

He came into my life like a client's change request -
It was just the right time - my break-up had left me depressed.

He was to my senses like a breathe of fresh air!
My ex? I've "rolled off" that project. As if I even care!

For both of us it'll be smooth sailing - there will be no defects.
It's not for nothing that I'm an expert at "design, build and test". ;)

My ex is acting like tech support. He seems to have raised an issue.
"Stop getting so BUG-ged!" I tell him, "if you want I'll hand you a tissue".

But lately writing letters to you is where I've been charging all my time...
I'd love to be on "bench" with you...I hope that's not a crime!

My data is not loading - there's some problem with the server.
I'm thinking - "Should I ask him to join me for a burger?"

I swear when I saw you in that black shirt my heart skipped a beat...
Wait. Is that the new intern sitting next to Himi's seat?!!

Friday, August 9, 2013

Random Topic Generator 3 - Tide ki safedi.

Ragad ragad ke bana diya apni black shirt ko white

Frustration mein tumne bola – this detergent is just not right!

Phir tumhaare dost ne kaha – is detergent ko rakho side,  

Kyun na try karo use karna – naya detergent Tide !

Ek baalti mein powder daala jaise ek chutki sindoor

Ramesh babu bhi na dhoondh sake ek daag, door door!

Aur phir aapke kapdo mein aai aisi chamak- 

Jaise Gujarat ke beaches pe sookh raha ho namak.

Toh ladkon ko agar karna chahti hain aap impress,

Toh peheniye sirf Tide se dhuli hui dress. 

Aur ladke karenge aapka haath pakadne ke liye fight!

Yaad rakhiye – Agar bhokaal tight, toh future – bright! B-)

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Random Topic Generator #2 - You've won a free ride. To Space.

As we entered Kennedy Space Center, I saw a huge rocket.
A big, burly man walked up to us and said - "Ladies and gentlemen, please empty your pockets."

As I sat in my chair, Penny let out a small cough,
And then the sound of music to my ears - "3 - 2 - 1 - Blast off!!"

"Ooh!" I said, "Aliens, Martians and weird creatures!"
And off we went, on our little space adventure.

We saw meteors, craters, and huge asteroids!
I was so excited I took a picture on my Polaroid!

As we looked down, the Earth looked like a little green dot;
And Sheldon walked up to me and said, "Hey! You're sitting in my spot!"

Because of loss of gravity, soon we all were floating -
Poor Rajesh had a burger for lunch. I think he was bloating.

As we entered the Milky way, Leonard looked a little hesitant.
"Are you sure?" he asked, "You know I'm lactose intolerant."

We all watched, amazed - Amy counted the rings of Saturn,
Bernadette was cranky. Travel upsets her sleeping pattern.

After what seemed like a light year, we landed back on mother Earth.
And the first thing I heard was Mrs. Wolowitz joyously scream - "Howw-aa-rrrd !!!"

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Random Topic Generator #1

Lately, I have been playing this game with myself.

Before you get any weird ideas, it's basically that I come up with a random topic, and try to make up one of my signature bad poems for it on the spot. Oh, it's a lot of fun! Of course, I say about 75% of it then and improvise on it later, but as my lady Sarah Kay says - "A poem is never finished, it is only abandoned. You can keep writing and editing it forever and it is up to you to decide when it is finished and when you can walk away from it". Of course, the only difference being that she is Sarah Kay, and my poems sound more like compositions by Rosesch Sarabhai.

So there was an impromptu contest at our communication gym in Deloitte, where you had to come up with a story on a random topic with one minute to think, and you had to speak on it for one more minute.

My topic was "If you were watching Animal Planet on TV and all the animals came to life in your living room, what would you do?"

Bad rhymes started working, connections, animals, and before you shut this window, here we go -

" I was sitting on my couch watching Animal Planet on TV,
When suddenly something happened that turned out to be very creepy.

There was a loud noise behind me - it was a lion's growl
From under the table, I could hear a jackal's howl.

I looked up and on the fan was sitting a sleeping owl
And flying all across the room was -  a jungle fowl !

And out in the garden was running a scared antelope
At this point, all I wanted to do was to elope.

On my sofa in front of me was sitting, a cheetah -
Not really the best time to be enjoying that fajita.

All that said and done, animals can be very scary.
I feel like going to the parlour now. Seeing all this fur is making me feel hairy.

Oh, these animals around me are filling my mind with fear -
What was that in the kitchen - did a tiger just attack that deer?

I am hyperventilating now... I'm finding it difficult to emote...
I need to change the channel now. Where the hell is that remote?!!!"

Sunday, June 23, 2013

The proposal.

We have nothing in common.

You like movies and I like books.

You love sports and I like to cook.

For I'm a dreamer and love to fly -

But you keep me grounded, when there's a storm up in the sky.

Together, I think, we'd be very happy

Though, I admit, our past relationships have been quite crappy.

But I don't think that'll be the case for you and me,

'Cos honey, when I'm with you - I feel free.

And we may not be like two peas in a pod,

Like Romeo and Juliet, or Harold and Mod.

But you need to understand - that Rome was not built in a day;

And the best wine is stored, savored in small sips -  in the dry month of May.

And we may argue, we may cry and we may fight,

And hate each other's guts, and be filled with spite.

I don't know how rocky the waters ahead will lie.

But I do know I want to be with you - until the day I die.

It is only for you that my heart everyday will beat!

So sweetheart, on this ship of life, next to you -  please save me a seat.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

How to say it - Toastmasters speech (cc4)

Today i want to tell you a story about a girl called shy.

Shy's a good friend of mine.

An avid reader, dancer and loves the color red.

An interesting cookie, that one. And i love the way she delivers her speeches.

Shy can talk in front of a room full of people without as much as a flinch.

Shy knows how to alter the timbre and quality of her voice.

She can command, and demand attention , when she wants you to listen to her. Shy oozes confidence.

She can instruct, and invite you to a world of knowledge - giving you snippets of information on things you'd probably never have thought of.

She can be a storyteller, and make you feel a part of her tale - spinning a web of emotions around you as she enthralls you deeper and deeper into her story.

She can walk up to an audience member at any time and say - "How you doing?"   and make it seem like it has something to do with her speech.

Oh and Shy can tell a joke at her own expense. ;)

Shy can engage an audience.

Shy can share. Shy can inspire. She can create visions of her stories in your head and transport you to another world.
Take one glance at Shy, and you'll be rest assured that she pretty much knows the tricks of the trade.

But take a look deeper.. And you'll realize - - Shy is not all that she appears to be.

So at any social gathering, for convenience sake, let's consider this very meeting.

She walks up to the host, and says -

'Hi.' < looking sheepish, playing with fingers, fidgeting>

'Nice meeting.. u hosted it pretty well.'

'So which service line are you in?'

'I am in AMS.'

' Oh ok.. i am in HRT. Workday.. it's very similar to SAP, for HR module.. '


 Awkward silence....uncomfortable smiles,... shifting of steps...

Shy is thinking of something clever to say. What happened to all those .... those things she had learnt..., she could come up with the most absurd relations at those godforsaken inpromptu speeches! ughh! think! think! .. oh god!!! What should i say?
What do i do! come on.. relax. calm yourself down..!
"So anyway, I have a meeting to attend.. soo... i'll see you later then!"

And Shy walks away - disappointed, ... at yet another failed attempt.

After all those tries. And all those books. And all that practice - of smiling and talking to herself, looking into the mirror -

And all those times when she'd said to herself - it's okay. There's nothing wrong with you.

Shy simply walks away - feeling defeated - once again.


A character trait so stigmatized by our society that it sometimes borders on the term 'disease' , or 'social anxiety disorder'.

Some people even go so far as to believe that extreme shyness is a SCOURGE on the American population,
and that it is the third largest of the mental disorders, after only depression and alcoholism..

So today, let's talk about that girl.

That girl - who can deliver a speech with aplomb but always finds herself sitting in a corner at every gathering, only smiling when someone talks to her.

That girl - who gets feels a sense of panic every time she walks into a room full of people where she is 'supposed' to socialize.

That girl - who comes home feeling dejected after every party. she calls up her best friend and speaks to him, to make herself feel better - and tells herself - i am normal. there is someone who i can speak to, who can understand what i am going through and that it's okay to feel this way.
And Shy cries.

But Shy wakes up. And Shy tries.

Tries harder, each day.

Shy dapples with this question on a regular basis. But she still hasn't been able to find an answer.

And she wants to tell you that most of the time when she says she has an urgent appointment/ or pretends to talk on the phone, she's really just petrified of you.

And she wants to make you realize that she isn't a snobbish person! So bear with her. Don't dismiss her as someone who doesn't care. Because you couldn't be more wrong.

Shy wants to shout out to you and the rest of this world - that hey! you know what? 'quiet' is not 'boring'!! Just give us a chance.

Be patient. And listen.

The only thing you can accuse her of is that she's still figuring out - How to say it.

Thank you.